Have you ever been on the verge of making a really bad decision but you are not sure just how bad it is and the only gauge you have is this gut feeling that won't go away but also does not provide any clarity either? I am there right, right now. Do I or don't I. The time really has come for me to jump but where to? If I jump will I fly?
Sometimes those who dish out advice find the pickings slim when their own need for counsel arises. I am lacking. I need counsel. Today I need someone to rub my head and say no matter what, I will be there, go ahead jump. Today I need to know that if I jump and there is nothing there that I will fly and not fall. I have no room for error. Not an inch.
A safety net can sometimes be a good thing. Some of us have operated without this net all our lives. We defy our surrounding by pushing on regardless blindly taking great leaps of faith entrusting our fate to the known and unknown gods. We do this in complete silence and then sometimes we can be silent no more. Today I am actually not sure what my place on this planet is about. Honestly I have not felt this disassociated in a long time. I feel like a kite that been left to roam for too long and can't see the ground blinded also by the light. Rein me in. I know what it is though, some of you know too. I need to get laid! Lol...I will level with you. I am terrible at lying; getting laid is the last thing on my mind - I need to find a new job. Something new, something I have not actually done yet - I use to love radio but the station pickings are so poor they fluctuate between mundane and mundane. Plus I use to work in radio in CT, too much coke in that industry! I will tell all someday. I would like to try TV but it's like you need a special pass to even whisper that desires name. I would love to have a talk show if Felicia and Noleen can what the hell! Why cant I?
I will call it Bruin - Ou .com
I will interview Gerry and his cat! Talk about kids smoking dagga all day, merchants, 21st birthday planning, matric balls, taxi queens, shit men, great dads, aunties who make the best koeksisters on a Sunday morning, Alan, Chris, coloured consciousness, the new apostolics vs old apostolics, these pastors who have body guards, opportunistic politicians, deserving single moms, grand mothers, death, life and of course sex! That would be the first week only. We are very smart, creative, sensitive people. I will talk about my dad who died on the streets, a poet, crazy afro, tight three piece suit, factories and spring queens. We have so much to offer this country. I hope that we achieve a greater level of visibility as a minority within my lifetime. I pledge my thoughts and talents to further that cause.
Bottom line I am bored of boring board meetings, whats the point of being on board if you have to do all the work yourself? lol. Tired of project management and being micro managed, tired of people not able to lead and not to recognise true leaders espeically those that have the balls to differ. Tired of being a girl. I have sneaky suspicion that that glass ceiling has finally made it presence felt. I see the sky beyond but it is out of my reach...time to do a quick step! At least Bruin Ou will still be here.
